Why Success is Eluding You

Feel overlooked in life? Ever start a new diet or fitness program but quit after two weeks? Do you feel you give your all, but in the end, things still do not go your way? If these frustrations sound familiar, then I feel there needs to be a deeper conversation internally because the truth of the matter is we attract based on who we are, not what we want.

The last ten years my favorite college football team has been the University of Alabama. I live in the Midwest, so I don’t have any allegiance to the school nor the region. However, I have always been a huge fan of head coach, Nick Saban. He is a true leader of men, a teacher, a person that consistently raised the bar and refused to take shortcuts or make excuses.

In October 2003, I vividly recall one of his press conferences. His message that day struck a chord with me because it spoke to my inner self who runs towards challenges; never away. Saban said in life we have 5 choices:

• “We can be bad at what we do.” Not the greatest choice, but a choice, nonetheless.

• “We can be average at what we do.” This is the equivalent of “going along to get along.” Minimal effort can get you there.

• “We can be good at what we do.” Saban says if we use our God-given talent, without any extra effort, it is likely we’ll be able to achieve “good.”

• “We can be excellent” at what we do.

• “We can be elite” at what we do.

His words were inspiring to me because it made me realize we influence more than we originally have thought. It is easier for us to blame others or make excuses than to look in the mirror and admit our failures. Avoidance is unhealthy as it destroys growth and productivity. It’s human nature to place our identity onto performance, because of that it can be soul crushing (yet humbling!) to recognize you aren’t the best version of yourself that you thought you were. To circle back on the feeling of giving “your all” but not seeing results begs the question – Are you giving average, excellent, or elite effort?

The biggest mistake people make is they don’t understand how to improve themselves. The desire may be there but figuring out the steps gets blurry or lost. This is why I believe success becomes more attainable when we focus our attention and energy on two things – Critical Thinking & Discipline.

Critical Thinking

When a person can be a critical thinker, they lift themselves from tough and emotional situations because they move forward with logic, solutions, and a lower ego. They listen to understand all points of view compared to making quick statements just for the sake of speaking. True self-awareness is one of the greatest superpowers we can have. An overinflated ego negatively impacts us because it gives people tunnel vision. This means, we don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

We sometimes overvalue ourselves and an example of this is in the workplace. Many of us believe we perform at an “excellent” or “elite” level. But never truly go above and beyond on projects. Don’t seek opportunities for growth or ask for constructive criticism. Or worse, when given a chance to showcase talent and skills, they refuse to do so unless given a raise or compensation. These real examples illustrate a person’s inability to have deeper thought and analytical reasoning. A person with this mindset does not comprehend the significant difference between Performance vs. Completion Contingence (performance refers to rewards given for the quality or outcome of a task while completion refers to rewards given simply for finishing a task). Doing the work and doing the work well are two vastly different approaches. The corporate world is not like professional sports where you often get paid on potential. You must be a proven commodity. That is how you separate yourself from others, that’s how promotions and new job opportunities come your direction.

When I think back on my personal growth, I had to incorporate critical thinking into my strategy. During my fitness journey, I was going to the gym 4x a week and taking numerous walks. But I was still not fully satisfied with my results. Instead of quitting or accepting the outcome, I dug my heels deeper. Took a step back to identify the issue. I learned that I needed to put a higher focus on my nutrition as it was laxed. To get what I wanted, I had to re-think my game plan. I eliminated sayings like “it is what it is” and “its good enough.” Sadly, that type of thinking places a ceiling on potential. A ceiling that you put on yourself.

Discipline

My mantra in life is simple – “How you do anything is how you do everything. “This is about how you show up. Your standards needing to be higher than what others may have placed on you. It’s about not disappointing yourself. One of the most powerful forces in life is consistency. Being able to do hard things over and over. Focusing on improving yourself every day.

A harsh reality is that people often will sacrifice what they want most for what they want right now. Undisciplined people do dumb things.  

We all have many wants and goals. Some of those wants can be losing 20lbs, save $10K this year, moving up within your company. But the first (or second) sign of adversity or challenges and you give up. Your actions tell your story. Yes, results are important, but no one talks enough about the process to get those results. Life will always punch you in the face. But it’s about getting up quickly, adjusting, and pushing ahead because you know your determination makes others a little uncomfortable. That’s the level that needs to be achieved. The greatest version of you is the disciplined version of you… love who you are becoming

When you take yourself seriously, you notice others will too. The first step is to be reflective; understand your shortcomings and create a plan for improving them. Some areas might take longer than others but that is okay. Focus on long-term success while giving yourself credit and grace for small everyday victories. Each win gives you a brick that you’ll use to build your empire.

How does that form of toughmindedness look like? Well, when you spend more time defending your ambition vs. excuses, your presence becomes undeniable. When consistency and sacrifice meet, over time, you will elevate yourself personally, physically, emotionally, and professionally. That’s the process for striving to be elite – there is no instant formula. Its knowing and accepting that success demands a series of actions and sacrifices. Are you willing to sign that contract and fully bet on yourself? That decision lies with you.

“If you’re going to be excellent or elite, you’ve got to do special things,” Saban says. “You have to have special intensity. You have to have special focus. You have to have a special commitment and drive and passion to do things at a high level and a high standard all the time.”