Last December marked a milestone birthday for me – my 40th (yikes). Since my early 30’s I have been on this journey of redefining and redeveloping myself professionally, personally, emotionally, and financially. Those close to me know how much I value growth. Grit and hard work were instilled in me at an early age. After every phone call with my mother, she often will end it with this inspiring message, “if you fall, make sure you fall forward.”
The reality is I have now entered the second half of my career. I find I am constantly reflecting on how the dots connect (spoiler – they always do). I think about what my impact is. How can I shepherd the next wave of talent. What do I want my legacy to be.
I seem to always come back to the same question. What would I tell 23-year-old me. I created a list of some of the biggest life lessons that I have learned thus far during my adulthood. While some lessons were harder to learn, they all shaped the man and human that I am today. I hope one of these points either resonates with you or offers some assistance in your journey.
First 5 years of your career you are in training mode – learn and adsorb!
Your first job out of school will likely suck. Consider it a rite of passage. We all wanted that high-earning job in our early twenties. However, keep a macro perspective. Understand this is your opportunity to learn from others. Observe your colleagues and leaders. Ideally you are learning about the tools that are inside the toolbox and studying how they are used – take great notes! Understand that those first five years will shape your future. You are laying the groundwork for future promotions as you enter management in your late twenties.
Getting a seat at the table is not the finish line
Congrats on entering upper leadership. You sacrificed a lot to get to this point and earned your place at the table. However, the journey does not end here. It is your responsibility to bring down the elevator for others. To expand the table. To influence your tablemates. To spark meaningful change and impact. This is especially true if you are a minority or part of an underserved underrepresented community.
Your mind must be stronger than your emotions
Whether it’s in or outside the workplace, how you handle conflict of all types becomes a reflection of your maturity. Boats in the water do not sink. They only sink once water gets inside.
What you aren’t changing, you are choosing
We all want the best version of ourselves. It’s human nature. However, indecision and excuses kill growth. I am not a fan of the idea of motivation because it eventually dissipates. I choose discipline. Because when a person is highly disciplined, they keep themselves accountable. He/she will subtract and delete things that push them away from their goals. They do not take shortcuts because they know if they want something they never had before, they must do things they have never done before. Here is my equation: routine + structure + commitment = discipline. That’s the secret formula for success.
Your habits will either push you forward or hold you back
Question – what are you willing to sacrifice? We all rather sleep in vs. getting up early to do something productive. Don’t want to work out after a long workday especially if its snowy or rainy. But guess what… the strong ones get up and get things done. Period. This is about your mindset. Believe in yourself; push yourself every day. “Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our realities.” Consistent small successes become bigger successes that lead to massive gains over time.
The biggest travesty in life is the difference between who you are and who you could have been
There will be doubts and regrets. I believe complacency poisons a well. Whether its fear base or lack of confidence. You deserved everything you have achieved and accomplished. And it’s okay to want more. To strive for excellence. As the great Kobe Byrant once said, “rest at the end, not in the middle.” Don't carry the regret later in life that you could have done more. You'll one day realize the meaning and power behind this message: it's never been about proving people wrong, it's been about proving yourself right.
How will you set yourself up for financial success
It’s not your fault you weren’t taught better. But it is your responsibility to fix it. Financial freedom is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It gives you options. Allows you access to more opportunities. And most importantly, it brings peace. We will all get old one day. Protect yourself.
Life is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward
Remember when I mentioned the dots connect? You will go through tough times. It’s inevitable. Have faith in yourself, the process, and do it while trying to stay positive. After every storm, there is a rainbow at the end. Embrace challenges. It might be months, even years later before you learn that lesson. Take solace knowing that each of these experiences shaped you because it made you stronger, wiser, more empathic. And that no one single event defines you. You are the author of your book so keep living life, keep writing your masterpiece.
I can admit to myself I was never the smartest, tallest, nor best-looking person in a room. But I knew I was never afraid to compete with anyone. I never lacked discipline. My mindset was always about the long-term vs short term wins. What needs to be gate-broken is understanding discipline is a choice. My best advice is finding your purpose. “When a man can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” Bet on yourself. Put in the work. Then watch how life presents you with opportunities and blessings. And if you think for one second that the price of sacrifice is too high for success and growth, just wait till you get the bill for regret. Choose wisely.
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